"Oh," Weevil said, "you've got to be kidding me."

The kid -- Walter, right? Wilmer, Willy, Walker -- Wallace, that was it, Wallace Fennel! Never let it be said Eli Nevarro didn't pay attention to details -- squirmed uncomfortably. The kid's cut clothes littered the sidewalk underneath the flag pole. Weevil had the duct tape in one hand, the Swiss army knife in the other, and he was staring down at-- at--

Wallace screwed his eyes shut. He looked terrified out of his mind. "It's not-- it's the knife, okay? I have a--"

"Whatever," Weevil interrupted. He peeled off a piece of tape and stuck it over Wallace's mouth. That wasn't part of the plan, but it did the job; Wallace squeezed his eyes shut tighter, breathing heavily through his nose, but he was quiet. "Nothing I haven't seen before."

Wallace opened one eye and raised an eyebrow.

Weevil rolled his eyes. "I mean, I have about five million male relatives, asshole."

"Mm-mmm-mmm!" Wallace said.

"I dunno what you said, but I bet it ain't nice," Weevil said, pointing the knife at the punk's face. "And since I'm not the one naked, taped to a pole, and definitely not carrying a flashlight in my pocket, you should probably be nice to me."

"Mmm," Wallace grumbled, but he went still, eyes wide.

"Same to you, buddy," Weevil said.

Once Wallace's hands were more securely taped -- the first time Weevil did this to somebody, they managed to loosen the tape enough to walk away, which had embarrassed him in front of his boys -- Weevil circled him, trying to figure out the best way to tape down a stiffy. That was going to hurt like a bitch. This kid may have ratted them out to the cops, but Weevil wasn't heartless. There were just some things you didn't do to a guy. He was already having sympathy pains.

"I gotta tape you up, do you think you could--?" Weevil gestured.

Wallace snorted and gave him a look that said, "Yeah, I'll get right on that."

"Okay," Weevil said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

He ripped the duct tape off Wallace's lips.

"Jesus Christ!" Wallace yelped.

Laughing, Weevil looked down, and yeah, the punk wasn't thinking happy thoughts now.

"Here's how it's gonna go down," Weevil said, and Wallace stopped cursing and cringed. "You're gonna shut your face, I'm gonna finish taping you up, and then I'm gonna make sure everyone knows just why you're up here."

"O-okay," Wallace said.

Wallace started making Wallace duct tape boxers. He had to give Wallace credit; he could've taken the kid in two seconds, but the kid was built. Wallace didn't move a muscle when Weevil got on his knees.

"You do this a lot?" Wallace asked suddenly.

Weevil paused mid-motion. "What?"

"I mean-- It's just that-- You seem like you know what you're doing," Wallace said in a rush.

Weevil took a deep breath. "Are you hitting on me while I'm taping up your balls?"

Wallace flinched and looked away. "N-no."

Weevil slapped the final piece of tape right on Wallace's dick, hard enough for the punk to gasp in pain. "Listen up," he growled, dropping down to pick up the tin of white paint. "Tomorrow morning, you're still gonna be up here. You're gonna be here until I personally come and cut you down. And if you're lucky, I won't go around telling people the new kid's a perv."

"I told you, I wasn't coming on to you!" Wallace protested, balking.

"I meant the knife thing," said Weevil.

"Oh that," Wallace said.

Disclaimer: Veronica Mars does not belong to me. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.