International Brian Kinney Day
"We should get married," Justin said one day out of the blue, causing Brian to briefly contemplate getting off the floor and either throttling him or moving to another country.
Perhaps the marriage question wasn't entirely random. Mel's and Linds's anniversary was coming up again, and the two women had been filling Justin's head with ridiculous, and, dare he say it, almost heterosexual tales of romance. The last time Justin had been in this mood the Fiddler had sauntered into the picture. But they had an unconventionally real relationship now, and he was certain Justin wouldn't leave him again just because he didn't want to become a lesbian. At least, he was pretty sure.
"No," Brian replied shortly.
Justin sighed dramatically. Brian refused to budge. He heard Justin pad over to the kitchen, and he called accusingly, "You just like to piss me off, don't you."
"That's right," Justin said dryly. "You've discovered my evil plan."
"I'm on to you, Sunshine," Brian called in a mocking falsetto.
"But if we did get married," Justin continued, in that voice that told Brian he had been thinking long and hard about this, "you could plan the entire thing. Every last detail, from the clothes to the food. It would be like... Brian Kinney Day."
Justin had decided several hours ago ("Phase one," Brian had said seriously) that none of this was really happening. He wasn't handing out beers to their friends in Brian's furniture-less loft. They weren't brimming with curiosity to see what was going on. And Brian was most definitely not going to announce their engagement. Their engagement. His engagement. To Brian. Either all his nagging had paid off, or the universe was laughing at him. He had a strong feeling this would end in disaster.
"What the fuck are we just sitting around here for?" Hunter asked.
Justin smiled and handed him a box of juice. Hunter scowled.
"You know Brian," Ted said, "always has to make an entrance."
Justin started, "That's not--"
But then the bedroom panels snapped open. Brian looked down at everyone as if they were lucky to be breathing the same oxygen as him. Justin subtly adjusted his pants.
Brian waited for the room to quiet down. Then, with a bored expression on his face, said, "We--"
"He," Justin whispered loudly, pointing at Brian.
"We have something to announce."
"Wait, wait," Mel interrupted, smirking. She pulled out her wallet. "Give us a chance to guess first. Five bucks says their breaking up again." Even Brian looked annoyed at that.
"Oh," Emmet gasped, "I'll put five on Brian moving into Justin's flat on the wrong side the tracks. You know he wouldn't last a day. I think even the drug addicts avoid his building."
Ted slapped down a ten. "One -- or both -- has an STD. It was only a matter of time."
"Join the club," Hunter beamed. Ben looked concerned.
"You people suck," Justin said. "My flat rules."
"It's none of the above," Brian drawled. He gave Mel a particularly fierce look, and Justin tried not to gloat. Maybe things would be okay.
"Just tell us already!" Michael shouted.
"Justin and I are getting married," Brian said calmly.
"Oh, thank God-- WHAT?"
The room went horribly still. Most of them goggled at Brian, but both Hunter and Michael sent Justin withering glares, as if he had committed some terrible crime. But Brian was his, dammit, and if they wanted to do romantic shit it was entirely their own business.
"Who the fuck cares?" Hunter snarked.
"Married?" Debbie shrieked. She jumped up and pulled Brian into a hug. "My baby's getting married!"
"Ma, I thought I was your baby," Michael whined.
Debbie just smiled, patting Brian's cheek. "Shush, honey, this is about Brian."
Brian smirked. "That's right. It's all about me."
"So we're setting aside a day to revolve around Lord Kinney again," Ted muttered. "How is this news?"
Ben put an arm over Justin's shoulders. "Well, I, for one, think it's great. I love weddings."
Soon Lindsey, Emmet, and Vic were hugging them and chattering excitedly, and maybe Justin shouldn't had felt so nervous after all, until Michael's voice cut through: "You're getting MARRIED? What the fuck, Brian? I thought you said it was some stupid breeder ritual!"
"Justin made some very good points," Brian said.
"Like what? 'Marry me or I'll kill you in your sleep'?"
"That's it," Justin said. "You've just been downgraded to usher."
"Can I be best man?" Ben asked. Michael goggled. "What? I told you I love weddings."
Brian pushed past everyone and took a file from the bar counter. "I've already assigned everyone duties." He passed around printed instructions and schedules. "I'll be over-seeing the entire event."
Everyone looked at Justin. Embarrassed, he murmured, "I sort of, uh, promised it would be his day."
"Why does mine say, 'Four PM, do not take drugs'?" Ted demanded.
"I'm only doing this once," Brian warned, "so it's going to be perfect."
"This is going to be a disaster. Brian should know better!" Michael wailed, loud enough for Justin to hear him across the diner. He noticed Michael alternating between glaring at him and staring at the schedule in horror.
"Either way, it provides entertainment for the unemployed, like me," said Ted, cackling. "We don't get cable at rehab."
There was an uncomfortable pause.
Emmet cleared his throat and looked over at Justin for support. "Well, I think it's sweet. He said he was only getting married once."
"Probably because after this he'll go back to his no-dating policy," Michael sneered.
Justin calmly walked into the kitchen and spat in Michael's breakfast.
Only, the first thing Justin saw when he arrived at Brian's loft after work was Brian studying two identical heads of lettuce as if they held the secrets to the universe. Maybe he should have asked Brian to marry him when Brian was employed.
"Do I want to know?" Justin asked.
Brian didn't even look up as Justin shed his coat and shoes. "I'm planning the dinner."
"Why don't we just ask Emmet?"
Brian simply looked at him in disgust.
A horrible realisation struck him. "Shit, does this mean we're not having a cake?" Brian didn't answer. Justin grabbed his shoulder and shook, hard. "Brian! We have to have a cake! It's, like, the entire point!"
Brian's eyes narrowed. "You're marrying me for a cake?"
He threw up his hands in frustration. "Yes, Brian, it's not you I love, it's baked goods. I have been deceiving you all along."
"You can have a small cake," Brian said slowly. He bit the edge of his pen. "But no one else," he added quickly. "I want a calorie-free event."
He was completely, utterly serious.
"You know, you're not going to have any friends after this," Justin warned.
"Who needs friends when you have a husband?" Brian said in mock sweetness. But then he paled. "Husband. Christ. Next thing you know we'll be exchanging rings."
"I-I need to lie down."
Brian was surveying wine prices when a former fuck tapped him on the shoulder.
"What?" he asked flatly.
The other guy sneered. "I just wanted to know if the rumours are true. Word on the street is that big, bad Brian Kinney is making an honest man out of his twink."
"It's true," Brian said. The guy sniggered until Brian started checking him from head to toe. "You probably photograph well," he observed.
"I-- what?" the man stammered.
Brian pulled an invitation out of his coat pocket. "RSVP by the end of the week."
He left the guy gaping behind him.
Brian: One, Pittsburgh: Zero.
Daphne decided Brian was her new best friend after he had picked out a sexy black dress for her to wear as ring-bearer. "I'm totally going to be the hottest one in the room," she gushed, holding it up to the mirror for the fifth time in two days. "After Brian, of course."
Justin sat on the edge of her bed. "You can marry him then," he said tensely.
She was still admiring herself. "If only! Oh. Oh. What's wrong?"
"It's just..." He sighed. "Brian's so fucking weird. Get this, for the reception dinner there is salad and booze. Lots and lots of booze. He made the guest list, and he invited random hot guys so the photos will be good. He's picked out everyone's clothes. I think he's even doing the makeup. He won't let Ted get near so much as a bottle of aspirin. He had to blackmail Michael into coming. And I can't find any of my formal clothes."
Daphne sat down next to him. "Wow. But... Come on, it's Brian. How normal did you expect this to be?"
"I wanted my damn cake," he muttered.
Melanie gleefully handed them a huge stack of paper. "You just need to sign some forms," she said sweetly.
"What the hell?" Justin sputtered. He flipped through the documents. "I don't even know what this stuff means."
"Insurance, power of attorney, ecetera, ecetera, ecetera," she said. "By the way, are either of you planning on changing your name?"
"Does it involve more paperwork?" Brian asked.
She gestured to another high stack behind her.
Justin grinned. "You should change your name. Brian Taylor." Brian was unamused. "My dad would fucking freak."
That alone was almost enough for Brian to do it, but his remaining dignity held him back.
"How much life insurance does Brian have?" Justin asked eagerly.
Brian eyed him suspiciously.
"So tomorrow," Daphne said.
Justin pressed the phone against his shoulder as he grabbed the milk from the fridge. "Tomorrow," he repeated nervously, "I'll be a married man."
"Oh my God! Are you scared? Everyone's eyes are going to be on you..."
Justin's mind filled with a white, blank panic. "Scared? Of course not."
"I wonder what Brian's doing," she mused.
Justin snorted darkly. "Probably fucking as many guys as he possibly can."
Brian shoved Justin's light blue jumper into the incinerator. He'd be damned if Justin was going to try to wear that tomorrow.
"I'm not having a mental breakdown," he said out loud.
Daphne sighed. "You know Brian. Cool as a cucumber."
"I can't believe you're not having a bachelor party," Michael called from the kitchen. He walked out carrying a huge bowl of butterless, saltless popcorn. "I can't believe any of this is happening in the first place. I mean, who would have thought you would be getting married? And why aren't you doing the usual Kinney thing and fucking everyone in sight?"
"Photos," Brian replied, as Michael hopped on the couch next to him. "Going in an album. I need to be as hot as possible."
Michael shook his head sadly. "Sometimes I forget how strange you are."
It was less than an hour until the ceremony and already Justin was freaking out. Brian hadn't told him what to wear, so he was searching everywhere for his blue jumper, but it wasn't anywhere around the loft. He was going to end up wearing a t-shirt, and then Brian would leave him at the alter and fuck an usher, and all their friends would hate them--
"What the fuck are you doing?" Brian's voice asked from behind him.
Justin spun around. "What are you doing here?"
Brian wasn't even dressed yet, which calmed Justin down a bit. His jeans were faded at the knees and something green stained his white wife-beater. "I just finished supervising the women's makeup," he explained. "Everyone's ready but us."
Justin swallowed thickly. "I-- I have nothing to wear."
"Sure you do," Brian said. "Your tux is in the closet."
Sure enough, a white tuxedo in his size was there. A matching one, in Brian's size, rested beside it.
"I was going for dramatic irony," Brian said.
"I think I'm going to faint," Justin replied.
Brian grabbed his elbow and directed him to the bed. "You can't. It's not on the schedule."
Justin pressed his fingers against his temples. His head was spinning. Brian slipped an arm around his shoulders, and holy shit, they were getting married. "Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly.
"I'm actually trying to figure out if we can have a quick fuck and still make it to the hall in time."
"I mean," he whispered, "why are you marrying me?"
Brian simply smiled. "I like showing off what I have."
"By the way," Brian begun as they were pulling up to the reception hall, "I wrote your vows. They're in my pocket. Stray so much as a word and I'm leaving you."
"Do you, Brian Kinney, take this man as your husband?"
The entire audience held their breaths.
Brian shrugged. "I guess."
Justin wondered what he ever did to deserve this.
The wedding was a surprising success. The decorations -- all hand-picked by Brian -- were minimalistic but beautiful. There were tears (mostly from Emmet) and laughter at all the right moments (although Justin suspected Brian had had someone hold up signs that said, 'Cry Now'). Even their vows hadn't been too appalling, although Justin felt his had mused on Brian's beauty a bit too much.
Brian had, of course, videotaped the entire thing from various angles. Suddenly it all became clear why he had all the latest video-editing software. Maybe he would let Justin tinker with it later.
"I don't think Ted and Hunter appreciate being stuck at the 'ugly' table," Justin whispered between bites of the single slice of ice-cream cake Brian had gotten him.
"It's not the 'ugly' table," Brian countered. "It's the-- okay, it is the 'ugly' table."
The 'senior citizen' table consisted of Debbie, Vic, and Jennfier. Standing beside his mother was a life-size cut-out of Craig. Jennifer was holding her head and clutching a bottle of wine tightly.
By some insane but very skilled planning, Brian had put all the attractive men near the front, towards their table. That had meant splitting Ben and Michael up, but Justin was pretty sure Michael hadn't noticed he was sitting with the lesbians while his boyfriend was surrounded by hot men. Daphne, incidentally, was also at that table, and she was obviously having too much fun pretending to be a lesbian.
Hunter appeared at Brian's shoulder. Surprisingly, he looked straight at Justin. "When you're done stuffing your face, you wanna dance?" He paused. "Asshole."
Brian and Justin exchanged glances. "Uh, okay," Justin replied slowly.
They moved to the dance floor. Brian had insisted on nothing but techno, and the couples were, naturally, mostly same-sex. Hunter was a frighteningly bad dancer; he put his hand on Justin's shoulder, and for a terrifying moment he thought Hunter was going to hit on him. But instead the boy threatened, "I don't know what the fuck is going on, but when you two break up, I'm so going to tap that ass."
Justin cracked up. "Okay," he managed to choke. "You do that."
"What did he want?" Brian demanded as soon as Justin returned.
"Hunter just reminded me why I love you," he said, snorting.
Just then the cardboard Craig caught on fire. Jennifer started to cry. Ted leaned over and lit up his pipe. Across the room, Ben got down to one knee and proposed to Michael.
"Hey!" Brian shouted. "That isn't on the schedule! Which part of my day do you not get?"
Justin dug into his cake with renewed vigor.
"So Sunshine, what are you doing this time next year?" Brian whispered seductively.
"I don't know, why?" Justin asked suspiciously.
"Good, then we're renewing our vows."
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Cowlip Productions and the Showtime Network. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Major thanks to Anna for beta reading, because without her I would be a mess.